Death, Home, and a Helping Hand

So, my brother died two Sundays ago, and last week I went home to the funeral.

I had no transportation or money to travel with. It was a bad time of the month, in between Nicolle's check and mine, and for a while it was looking quite grim as to whether or not I was going to be able to attend. Then something happened that surprised the hell out of me: a group of my Facebook friends, people I've known a long time online but never met, banded together to get me home.

Anyone that knows what we've been through will know that strangers helping us is something we are not accustomed to. And if you know me, you know that I lack the ability to ask for help of any kind... call it pride, call it stupidity, call it whatever you like, but suffice it to say I was more surprised than I have been in a long time. My faith in all humanity isn't completely restored, but my faith in some humanity is. If any of you read this, and you probably will, THANK YOU.

This was the first time I've been home in almost 10 years, since my father died. My life, such as it is, is in Texas now, and I just don't get back there for one reason or another. This time was different; I had to go. It was my duty.

And yes, I wondered if the now famous (or infamous) numbers I keep seeing would follow me there, but as usual I didn't look for them as they seem to find me whenever they want to, always when I'm not looking for them, and besides... I had too much on my mind to worry about it. Still, I did wonder if they would follow me so many states away. They usually appear around major events, and this was certainly a major event.

With the money raised I bought a bus ticket to my mom's, and from there rode with her and a friend of hers to the funeral. We got there, attend the funeral, and attend the burial. My brother's death was quite unexpected, and as you might imagine under those circumstances it was a rough time for the family. I wish his wife and children every kindness, and they are in my prayers. And that is all I'm going to say about that.

After goodbyes were said and everything was done, my mom and I decided to go out to my dad's old house (where my brother and I grew up) to have a look, which is uninhabited and now on the verge of falling in. Still, I haven't been to the homestead for almost 20 years, and given that I have no idea when I'll be back I felt it might be my last chance to see it.

We stopped at a new gas station across from where I used to go to daycare when I was 4 or 5 years old. Almost everything back home has changed, and this station was no exception. It was filled with giant slabs of ribs and barbecue and other Southern foods. I found this a little amusing, because when I grew up we had nothing like that, nothing at all. We had a garden, and the vast majority of what we ate we either grew or hunted ourselves. Still, I was glad it was there, so many small towns around America are dying these days. I was glad to see my hometown is doing just fine.

As soon as I stepped out of the car at the station I could feel something different. The wind was blowing, and one thing I loved as a barefoot country boy growing up in Mississippi was the way the wind sounded in the trees. It has something to do with the Spanish moss, I think. I felt like the trees were welcoming me home. It was a little eerie, bud did my heart some good.

Coming out of the store my mother asked if I wanted to drive. Now, as readers of this blog know, Nicolle was in a major car accident in late 2010, and I haven't been behind the wheel of a car since. Not because I'm afraid or can't drive, but because we haven't had a car. So, I agreed, got behind the wheel, set the seat and mirrors, got in buckled in, etc. As I was sitting there, another car whipped in to the spot beside me. Just a couple of roughnecks, no one special, just a couple of guys off work undoubtedly stopping for some of the barbecue that had made my stomach rumble. My mom got in, and then it was time to drive out to the house where I grew up, a house I haven't even seen since I left home nearly 20 years ago. First time back behind the wheel of a car, first time going home... so many elements coming together at that moment in my life made for what I would consider a milestone.

And that's when I saw it.

As I backed out, I saw that the car that had pulled in beside me had my old friend 144 in the tag number. God, or the Universe, or Fate, or whatever you believe in, made sure that at that exact moment in time, where my past, present and future met, that that number was there for me to see. There is no question in my mind that this was intentional and meant for me, and there shouldn't be in yours.

I told my mother about it, and explained a little bit of what has been going on to her. She said, "oh, so you mean like something is sending you messages?"

"Yes, momma... exactly like that."

She understood.. she's been getting these messages her whole life. Remind me sometime to tell you the story about when my other brother, Sammy, got lost in the woods while hunting. My mom was alone 80 miles away and knew about it before she was told. What's happening to me is apparently old hat to her. The rest of the trip went smoothly, but weird things continued to happen. I won't go into all of it but I will tell you about one more event, and even that one I won't go into too much detail over. Non-believers feel free to stop reading now.

When we got back to my mother's house from the funeral I was exhausted, so I took a nap in her bed. While I was sleeping I kept hearing someone talk in my ear. I would wake up, see no one was there, and go back to sleep. I also could not tell what they were saying. This happened three or four times. Finally, I was lying on my side, facing the door to the room, when I had an episode of sleep paralysis. Now this is never good when it happens to me, because it is usually accompanied by some sort of spiritual attack. You can ask me the details about these attacks privately, I won't go into them here. Nicolle and I have both been having them since all of this started, and usually they are never good.

This occasion was a little different. When the paralysis started, I got a message in my head (seriously, it was as if someone else's thoughts came into my head directly, like telepathy) that said, "So you say you want to see us? Well here, have a look at us." At that point a luminous being appeared in my field of view. It appeared to be male, and he was squatting down by the wall, I assume because I couldn't turn or lift my head due to the paralysis, and that was the only way for me to see him fully and clearly. He was made completely of light that had a blue or green tinge to it. It was not completely white light. He didn't speak or move, but as soon as I got a look, he was gone. After that I woke up.

I've told a few people about this. Some say he was my brother, some say he was an angel, some say a spirit guardian, some say it could have been something else. I don't know, but I DO know this was not just a dream. I've had enough sleep events happen over the past year; by now I know the difference between a normal dream and something else.

So, that's about it. I know some won't believe me, some of you never do, and that's fine. You should know I don't really care if you do or not. As always, I'm just recording my experiences, truthfully and without exaggeration, no matter what type of judgement it brings down on me.

Also, once again, thank you to everyone who helped me get home. I'll never forget it, or you.